The Unconnected Drabbles of a Smart Arse
by Eviloply Joberns
Summary: As the Title implies. Little mini bits and pieces I'll be writing to amuse you lot. Most of them centered on my OC Daniel. Who I've made absolutely sure is not a Mary Sue . Watch him meander about through the Twin Worlds weaving through Chapters and his own story.. He's quite good at that. And being a clever so and so.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So, I've posted these onto the Undreaming forum to great sucsess so I'd thought I's try my hand at posting these here to see the reaction to them. They are disconnected and probably won't make any sense so I did them anyway have fun.**

**Context: I intend for these sections to "set the scene" in a sense. I'll provide how i'd see this scene fitting into a real novel if I wasn't so extraordinarily lazy. The scene is set shortly after the end of Dreamfall and a little ways before the start of Chapters. Daniel has just been chased by the lovely Eye In the Sky. He found out that he can do magic and stuff. Balance must be preserved so Daniel must die for the greater good. Naturally being our brave hero, He runs faster then you can say "I waited seven bloody years for Dreamfall Chapters, Ragnar!" He finds himself being helped by a mysterious robed man. Who somehow helps Daniel on his way and gives him some metal ball thing that will take him to Arcadia. Onwards!**

...

"So." Daniel said expectantly. Trying to fill the awkward silence.

"So?" Said the Robed Man indignantly

Daniel sighed then looked to the robed man. Then to the small floating metal sphere.

"That's it?" Daniel said while the sphere bobbed by his face.

"It'll serve it's purpose rather admirably." The robed man intoned in that smooth voice of his.

"I was expecting some awesome Mcguffin of power or some sort of cool sword." Daniel sighed "Will it get me to... um - "

"Arcadia. Yes it will. Just touch it and you'll activate the power within." The robbed man was obviously annoyed.

"How mellodramatic. I barely know you and you're already trying to get me to go to a parallel dimension. I'm certain there's a book on how to do this properly." Daniel was trying to hide his obvious sense of trepidation.

"You do know what will happen if you don't you know." The robed man smiled under his hood.

"You're a real piece of work you know that right?" Daniel hissed with venom. "I mean. What good can I do. I'm a fat bastard. Okay I can chuck fireballs but I got no real skills. Seriously, what the hell can I do?"

The robed man rubbed his temples behind his hood.

"You are incorrigible."

"You try being told that you have to emigrate to a parallel reality to stay safe from the Eye."

The robed man rubbed his temples under his hood

"I did, Look you're stronger then you know. Now go."

Explosions could be heard from afar. Rocking the room the two people were in.

"Sod it." Daniel said. "Off I go" Daniel grabbed the sphere and was gone with a very disappointing whimper.

**Pretty short I know but wait. There be more Cap'n. Your name's Cap'n, right? I thought you were a pirate. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Context: This little bit is set after Daniel has found his way into Arcadia. He's had to deal with a couple of things. Mostly problems with Azadi and other magic haters. After a short time ruining other people's life's, Daniel bumps (literally) into Zoe. She finds him rather annoying but he's somewhat useful at finding things. (I'm still writing the scene in which Zoe and Daniel meet) Zoe needs to break into Friar's Keep. (Possibly to rescue Kian? It'll all be Jossed when Chapters comes out so meh)Zoe has sent Daniel off to find some less "legal" items needed to break into Friar's keep. Zoe has gone to the market after a tip off told her to go find a particular merchant for some fake ID.**

...  
The market bazzar in Marcuria was filled with the noises of merchants selling their wares. Considering it was a market. That was fairly obvious. One merchant was quite special.

"Roll up ladies and Gentlefolk welcome to Tander's market. Today we got brilliant bargains. How bout a necklace for you young lady? It'll make you look slightly less ugly then you are right now."

Said young lady huffed at the fat balding merchant before storming off. Zoey took her spot. Watching the spectacle with great interest.

" What about you slightly older lady. It'll make you look more ugly. Perfect bargain." Tander nodded to himself before noticing that people were clearing off. Maybe it was his breath.

"Why are all leaving? These are good deals."

Tander frantically shouted at the market goes offering them all sorts of deals. And insulting them greatly. That always helped. Tander looked around. Seeing that Zoey was the only person in the market. Like a shark smelling blood in the water, he immediately bounded towards her.

" Right, Young lady. You look like you'll be a tough sale. No worries I got a genuine Marcurian Balance talisman."

He took out of his pocket what looked like a cheap chinese knock off of a cheap chinese knock off. It really sucked. Zoey stared at it. Disgust clearly etched on her face. Sensing Zoey's trepidation Tander sought to make a sale.

"Don't listen to Benrime when she says it's fake. She doesn't like me that much. Not after the bar fight anyways. But those Dolmari were armed with fruit. Menacing looking fruit." Clearly Tander was convinced that fruit was menacing. but it was hard for Zoey to believe him. Maybe it was that coat he was wearing.

Zoey just stared at Tander, bewildered.

"Why are you looking at me funny? Have I got something on my face? maybe I do. Anyways what can I do you for."

"Well... I'm told you can get me a pass into Friar's Keep." Zoey tried to keep professional. But the smell coming off of Tander wasn't helping.

"Oh, That old thing. Got it off some bloke with a doggy accent, kept calling me Senoir even though that aint me name." Tander seemed to reminisce a bit too much.

"Well, I need it." Zoey said assertively.

"And I'm going to give it to you. Don't worry but first -."

Just as Tander was about to go on an hour long rhetoric Daniel seemed to pop out of the woodwork. Well he just walked on.

"Ah, Zoey. Got those you know what's you wanted. and-"

"You aren't supposed to be here." Tander interrupted.

"Oh sorry, Was I interrupting you fleecing my friend? I do apologise." Daniel made certain to put extra sarcasm across.

Tander just gritted his teeth and shoved the pass into Zoey's hand.

"And there you go miss. Now." Tander stared at Daniel. "Leave."

"Uh sure." Said Zoey awkwardly.

Zoey and Daniel walked away from the market . Daniel turned and stared at the stall they just departed. Zoey was puzzled.

"Daniel?" she said inquisitively.

"Y'know, I could swear he knew me." Daniel just kept staring at the stall.

"Daniel we need to get to Friar's Keep." Zoey tried her best to not sound too firm.

"You go ahead. I... I find that fat cockney bastard familiar and I want to find out why."

Zoey stared at him sympathetically.

"You sure?" She said

Daniel nodded his head.

"You're pretty amazing at breaking into things. I'd just slow you down. You go on. I think I need to sort this out." Daniel seemed uncharacteristically assertive.

Zoey sighed

"Just try not to anger any more Azadi."

Daniel looked to the floor for inspiration

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I just wanted some noodles but ... Anyways."

Zoey walked in one direction. Daniel the other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Context: So Zoe and Daniel are trying their best to get some magical Mcguffins of Balance Restoration+10 to help in their fight against evilness and what not. But then the Temple Zoe and Daniel painstakingly solved puzzles in starts collapsing. And poor Daniel is hanging from a rope suspened over a pit of Magma. It's quite dramatic. **

Daniel was hanging from a rope. Said rope was overlooking a very scenic precipice. The magma bellow gave it character.

"Hang in there!" Zoe shouted with a curious mixture of determination and awkwardness.

"Was that a Joke? Don't mind me I'm about to die. I'm told you can recover from that quite easily but I'm not too sure." Daniel was quite obviously at that startling midpoint between irritation and fearing for your life .

"Just wait while I gather some things to help" Zoe shouted back down.

"Yep, I'm sure you'll just be able to rub a Pencil and Rubber Duck together to make a lightsaber. Meanwhile. I'M DANGLING OFF A CLIFF AND AM ABOUT TO DIE! Oh fuck, the rope moved." Daniel shifted his considerable weight into keeping a hold onto the rope

"Keep calm." Zoe bellowed down as Daniel tried to hold on for dear life

"Zoe, when I die you can have my stereo. Only I don't have a stereo. Fuck. Just one more regret in my miserable fucking life. Fuck, the Rope is moving again. Oh shit I'm dead I'm screwed. I'll never kiss a Woman again. Never again will I cradle a newborn child against my breast. I didn't do any of those thing to begin with, fuck."

"Daniel!" Zoe shouted irritably.

It was only after five minutes of screaming and expletives that Daniel realized he was safe.

"Bugger." Daniel dusted himself off and tried to look brave. "Well clearly you can tell I - I was practicing...uh, in case we got into real trouble and I needed to rescue you... Jesus, that's bullshit even by my own standards."

Zoe just rolled her eyes and walked off.

"When this is over I'm totally buying a stereo!" Daniel shouted after her before running to join her. "With lots of trance music."


	4. Chapter 4

**Context: So, Daniel is snooping around trying to find out more about Tander. Then Daniel gets caught by the Azadi. Who used newly developed magical detection thingamajigs that spot Daniel. What do the Azadi have to do with Tander? Lots. None of which I'll mention now.**

**... **

In a dusty room, containing a single chair, Tander the Fat paced. The door just in front of him creaked open. Displacing dust and loose paint on the floor. Two very strong and very intimidating Azadi dragged in a writhing sack. Their armour clanked and their body language told everyone in the vicinity that they didn't want to be here.

These two men deposited the Sack on the floor then looked to Tander.

"Leave him to me. Our Deal is done." Tander said in a tone unlike his regular idiotic spiel.

Both men looked at each other trying to suggest they do something. But in the end they just left. Closing the door. Which was the only Light source.

The room was bathed in Darkness until a sizzling sound came from the corner of the room. A lamp illuminated itself. Fire burning within.

Tander moved to the sack purposefully and with a yank tore off the rope fastenings. Daniel's head popped out.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Tander quizzed irritably.

"Not really." Daniel slyly replied. He licked his dry lips then continued. Arms still wriggling in the sack. "Jog my memory, maybe I can come up with a smart arse quip."

Tander rubbed his temples. A habit of those near Daniel for extended periods of time.

"The Girl !" Tander spat at Daniel. "This isn't your story. Nor is this your world. You are not supposed to be here ruining centuries of planning by men far smarter then you."

"She's not a god damn puppet. You fat bastard!" It was Daniel's turn to spit. He would win at that game anytime.

Tander threw some luminous blue powder into the air. It sparkled in the fire light. And shimmered into a shape. A tear in the air.

"This is what your meandering is causing." Tander stated. Pointing sharply at the tear in the air. "Whatever you are doing is tearing apart the Balance. Shifters open portals, Dreamers dream themselves here. You used Science to rip a hole. One that is spreading. You must go. The Girl will fall in line or we will all lose."

Daniel stared at the portal. He didn;t know his arrival in Arcadia would have reactions this drastic. But he still had to leave

"Fucking hell mate." Daniel sighed. "Look. I don't quite know how I got here myself. I want to leave this mad house, believe me. But I can't!" Daniel was shouting. Letting out all his frustrations at the situation he found himself in.

"Then you will die!" Tander edged closer. "You are not a part of her story. You are nothing to her. At best an incidental character. Despite your misplaced crush. You are worthless." Tander came slightly closer.

"Alright. Then do it. You cowardly cockney bastard." Daniel wiggled some more

Tander's face turned into a snarl as he came a few more paces closer to Daniel.

"What did you call me!?" Tander hissed.

"Oh sorry you deaf, obese moron. I'll be clearer." Daniel took in a breath and started shouting. "I said you should take you Fat, Slaphead, Cockney arse. And come shank me you cockless fucking shithead!"

Tander roared and ran at the sack containing Daniel. He immediately pushed Daniel to the ground and started punching his face. Roaring all the time and displacing dust everywhere.

"I am not a cockney!" Bellowed Tander.

Tander put his hands around Daniel's exposed neck.

"Anything left to say before I cut out your filthy tongue?"

Daniel wriggled one final time. And spoke through his bloody mouth.

"Just one thing." Daniel smiled "You are so easy to provoke." Then Daniel launched a fireball at Tander through the hole he ripped in the sack while Tander was having his monologue.

The fireball ripped through Tander's chest leaving a gaping hole in said chest. It also sent him flying through the wood wall of the interrogation room. Wood went everywhere.

By the time Tander hit the floor. Daniel was already out of the sack.

"Never put someone in a sack. Especially when they have buck teeth like mine" Daniel murmured to no one in particular.

Daniel was about to leave when he heard a inhuman growl.

"I will kill you!" Tander said. Eyes glowing a baleful and pulsating Orange. The gapping hole in Tander's chest was sealing up like quicksand.

"Bugger!" intoned Daniel. Before running off.


	5. Chapter 5

**This one is pretty straightforward. After using the ball of magicy telleportyness Daniel appeared in Arcadia. He hadn't eaten in awhile so he went to a tavern and ordered some noodles. There's a joke there if you're a sad man like me who reads too much internet.**

The streets of Marcuria were abuzz. The Azadi were chasing some boy. The boy was magical, that much was certain from the way he was lobbing fireballs at the guards chasing him.

"Bugger. I've only just got here and I've already pissed off the local wildlife" Daniel bemoaned.

Daniel was cursing his luck. All he wanted was a bowl of noodles. Daniel was a very hungry lad after all. But someone had accused him of stealing their purse. Which wasn't true. When the nearby Azadi guard decided to be a bit overzealous and try to impale Daniel on his spear (in a totally non sexual way... unless you were into that sort of thing).Daniel decided to fire ball him in the face and run. Daniel had gotten good at running but that guard also had a loud shouting voice. This meant that despite having a slightly singed face that guard began shouting that a violent magical was out of the ghetto and needed putting down. Which brings us to what happened next.

See while Daniel's luck wasn't the best he was very good at attracting people with the right skills at the right time. Some of those people were even competent. Zoe was just walking out of the Journeymen's Inn after a quick dash to get some items for her quest to enter Friar's keep. Hearing a noise from the nearby alley she walked over to see what the commotion was about. She was incredibly surprised when a man shaped blur shot past her followed by several clanking and panting Azadi. Zoe immediately ran after them to see if she could help blur man.

"Uh, help. Please!" Came a voice from behind Zoe.

Zoe turned to look at the man who ran from the Azadi.

"But you-" Zoe was bewildered

"Illusion charm. I think. Well, I'm calling it an illusion charm anyway." Daniel giggled nervously "Didn't know I could do it."

Daniel covered his mouth with his hand and coughed. He didn't seem surprised when he coughed a bit of blood.

"You're bleeding." Zoe said. Surprised at it.

Daniel responded by collapsing to the ground.

"Yeah. When I cast spells. They hurt. Something about me being a denizen of science. It was all explained much better by a creepy old bloke in a robe with a penchant for melancholic dramatization."

Zoe was confused.

"Uh..."

"Long story. Involves me running away a lot. Honestly not doing much different here either. Now can you help walk me to..." Daniel trailed off.

"Are you alright?"

Zoe seemed to be has caring has someone could be for a potentially very dangerous stranger.

"He told me to look for someone. Said she could help. She's supposed to be around here, He gave some cryptic bull about 'the place between the cracks in the world' " Daniel gasped in pain grasping his side "Fuck me, that hurt. I need to find her"

Zoe was getting annoyed

"Who? why? You're not really making any sense"

Daniel's face went blank for a second. Then he processed what Zoe had just said. Then he laughed. It was bitter and hard.  
He stared her in the eyes from his position on the ground. Zoe could see the dark circles around his eyes.

" Nothing! Bloody nothing has made sense to me these past few days. I was fine one second now I'm bloody Elminster and I've been told I have to help 'restore balance' whatever the fuck that means. My family is either dead or being used as blackmail to get me to do this crock of shit. " Daniel was in many ways quite pathetic but he wouldn't cry. Not now. He'd bitch and moan but not cry.

"Join the club." Zoe said sarcastically.

Daniel was deep in his own thoughts.

"Zoe." Zoe said.

"Huh?" Said Daniel. Drawing himself out of his thoughts.

"My name is Zoe. I'm from Stark. I'm a Dreamer. And I haven't the slightest clue what that actually is." She held her hand out to shake and beamed a smile that was incredibly infectious.

Daniel sighed. Then peeled himself off the ground and shook Zoe's hand.

"Daniel. Incompetent Smart arse and wizard. Also from Stark. If that's what they call Earth over here." Daniel smiled. It seemed he'd found a friend.

"So" Zoe said. With that cute little resolve face of her's. "Who are you looking for."

"Uh...Ah" Daniel finally seemed to remember. "She has an odd name. Lady Alavane. Know who that is?

"No. I can help you find her if you want..." Zoe looked adorably guilty.

"Ugh... But you need my help in some nebulous quest to rub items together to form inventions which help complete abstract tasks." Daniel intoned knowingly.

"Well, sort of. I'm breaking in to a prison." Zoe said awkwardly.

"Ambitious." Daniel said coyly. "But also surprisingly straightforward considering the stuff I had to do back home. Alright. I'm in."


End file.
